It is that time of year again when I send a supplication Northward to St. Nicholas containing my dearest wishes for the coming year of our Lord 2010.
As is tradition, this list will take the form of a summary of ghastly individuals whom I most dearly wish to see publicly humiliated, whipped and beaten in the town's square and dipped in tar and feathers,followed by a hasty sterilization and prompt banishment to the Hebrides.
Note: since Janet Jackson and Adam Sandler have already been listed for 3 years in a row,they have been omitted from this year’s list,even though they most certainly belong there for various heinous offenses against common decency and everything that is just and beautiful in this land of ours.
So here they are.
Have your bucket and a strong doze of smelling salt at the ready.
1 Katie Couric
2 That psycho bitch from Alaska
3 Everyone involved in marketing
4 James Dobson
5 People over the age of 12 who read Harry Potter books
6 Mormons and all other Nazis who supported Prop 8 in California
7 Mahmoud Ahmadinnerjacket
8 That little mindless trollop who is infected with Billy Ray Sirus’ obscene and ridiculous DNA
9 Dinesh D’Souza and similar nauseating petulant right-wing cocksuckers
10 Alan Greenspan
11 Everyone who is worth more than 10 million dollars
12 Oprah Winfrey
13 The audience of Oprah Winfrey
14 Hedge fund managers
15 And, of course, Kenny G.
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